I, Mei, was born in North-East of China. I mainly live in Shanghai, the rest of the time I live in Leeds, GB. I have two master’s degrees from University of Leeds (Human Resource Management & Consumer Analytics and Marketing Strategy). However, I have Autism, Depression and PTSD…because I had suffered from a long period of school bullying and domestic violence. It is difficult for me to get a normal job in China. HRs are very fastidious to female candidates especially those single ladies without children. They think pregnant women are big troubles to their companies. They dislike people with mental illness too. I have to consider about self-employed by selling tools and hardware online because I have financial stress. My parents are very traditional. They dislike foreign countries and they stop supporting me. I like DIY and I enjoy being alone with my European Polecats. Currently I am in Shanghai with my parents because they haven’t seen me for four years. I continue getting sick after returning China (my parents always worry that I feel cold and put thick quilts on me and never listen to my complaints) and the summer in Shanghai is too warm to me (around 40 °C outdoors). My pets are with a friend who own many ferrets in Leeds and waiting me home. In the future, I will go back to Leeds. I was working in Tesco but they couldn’t extend my Visa. I have to keep a Visitor Visa and look for jobs with Worker Visa Sponsorship. I am a good worker, but they have more cheaper options…So…Let me sell things at home and save money for immigration in two decades…
My mum is the eldest child of her family (one brother and one sister) while my dad is the youngest child of his family (5 brothers and 2 sisters). Basing on the obvious differences of the two families and their continuous arguments, I completely believe that they never love each other and they have no interest in understanding each other. Their marriage is just for convenience. However, they had one thing in commmon in my childhood—busyness. So I was sent to my mum’s parents and stayed with them for a long long time. I was very happy with my grandparents and they deeply influenced the development of my hobbies and interests.
My dear grandpa was a good repairman and he had a strong interest in animals. He was a very strict traditional dad, but he loved me very much. In nine years, I was his only grandchild. I was the apple of his eye. To avoid me feeling bored, my grandpa always made toys in front of me and showed me how to use tools. He made a wooden sword for me. Very amazing. It was a kind of magic…a piece of wood turned to a sword. Almost 30 years passed, I still remember those days. Grandpa also made some wooden toys like bows and guns for me. He deeply influenced me. When I grow up, I show great interest in archery and shooting. He taught me how to use basic hand tools and now I exchange my hobbies to business. He must be very proud of me.
My grandma is a fan of gardening. She has a dozen of plants and a tank of pet fish. As a mother, my grandma fails in educating her children. My uncle. her only son is her favourite child and she can die for him. He is completely an idolt. He frequently changes wives but none of his marriages lasts long…He deserves it. My mum, as the eldest child, has to contribute to her original family which causes a series of conflicts between my dad. One point of their arguments is that my dad insists that his mother in law never thanks him for supporting her family. Maybe…But my grandma still raised me up and developed my interests in hand sewing. I am more gifted and more focused. When she was sewing clothes and shoes for me, I was sitting quietly next to her and observing the whole process. She was surprised that as a child, my interest was quite different. But she was happy to teach me how to play the art of needles. Anyway, my grandma is a kind, traditional and confusing old lady…and she is a bad example in being a responsible wife and mum. In my memory, when my grandpa was alive, he had never had a good face to her. They were strangers at home but they both tried to make me happy. In my life, I will never accept traditional Chinese marriage. I can’t find any happiness in my grandparents’ marriage and my parents’ marriage.
As a “trouble child”, I suffered a lot from school. In the early years, autism was not commonly known. I think I was very innocent for being separated. I was not aggreessive at all. Instead, I was quiet and shy in kindergarten. The only thing I would like to talk about, were my pet birds. Yes, I had many pets with me in my childhood and I especially liked creatures with feathers. But who liked listening to these? Alright, my classmates laughed at me and they use all the negative vocabularies they could find to insult me. When I tried to report to teachers, they never believed my words because some of the children came from families with money and power. What did I have? My family was no body in the town. I was not good at study although actually I was a very intelligent human. I watched children around me, and I tried to join them. But I couldn’t. I clearly understood from the beginning that we were different. I hated some boys who played jokes on me day by day and year by year. They even killed my pet birds when I was walking with my little friends. Girls? They disliked me too because we didn’t have any common topics. I was separated and this situation lasted for many years before I moved home to Shanghai.
So where were my parents when these happened? They were missing in my childhood. My dad always had missions in the company and he usually appeared for four weeks during a year and disappeared again. He had serious social problems. I have to say, like father like daughter. But my dad’s problems were worse. He hit us. It seemed that no one came to my dad’s heart except his mum who passed away for years. He was a live robot, always had a schedule to finish daily tasks. If anyone stopped him, he would immediately became aggressive. My dad had no friends, but he was a gifted engineer and he had many achievements. He deserved to be lonely. The only happy memories with him during my childhood were that he took me to the wild and caught some mantises for me. I have to thank my dad for inheriting me autism. Now he likes collecting Chinese medical plants and making medical treatments for himself. My mum was a different kind of person. She was very sensitive and she stayed longer with me. But I dislike her too. My mum wanted a daughter like Snow White, with long hair, could play the piano, could write good handwriting. I had very bad experience in kindergarten when I had long hair. So I cut it shorter and I refused to keep long hair. So we never stop arguing. My mum had a very unusual character, and she believed the theory of blood to blood and eye to eye. When I was hurt at school and told her, she never helped me. Instead, she encouraged me to fight back. It was not possible. I was very weak, and I was a repeat customer of town hospital. I couldn’t beat those bad guys. Even when I grow up, the unhappy experiences still bother me. My mum enforced me to forget and forgive those who hurt me. She blamed her poor marriage on me and she always said that I stopped her to freedom. My parents gave me strong financial support but neither of them showed me how to build a healthy relationship with other people. In their world, I give you money, you must be grateful and listen to me. Or, your are a traitor of the family. So our relationship breaks. I can’t endure such a complicated family. If possible, I will escape as quick as I can.
In my parents’ opinion, Shanghai is the best city in the world. This city has over 30 million population, international and fashional. But I prefer Leeds in which city I have stayed for six years. I like Yorkshire, I like cold weather and I like inclusive environment. At least people in the United Kingdom will not mark me as a weirdo…disabled people are very positive and confident. In my country? Now more and more younger generation are open and friendly to disable people, but we still have a long way to go…Sadly, most disabled people in my country are trapped at home. They can’t easily leave home without support and they can’t get a job to prove they can make it. It is shameful that I have to pretend that I am good when facing to recruiters or I can’t get any interview opportunities.
Now everyday in Shanghai, I miss my pets. They are well taken care of by a friend in Leeds. I can’t bring them to China because the Custom doesn’t allow them to enter my country without special permission. These little lives support me when I was in depression period and I see them as families. It is torturous that I can’t see them, I can’t take part in their lives and I believe they miss me too. Digger, my favourite boy, is the leader of the pack. He is 5 years old this year and he loves me very much. Shield, my naughty boy, he must be very bored and miss my hands. My young kits…I have stayed with them since the first day they came to the world. My jills, are they pregnant? Who’s the daddy? I haven’t seen them for three months. Oh, dear…my poor little things…I will never abandon any of you. Just give me some time.
Now, I have very limited options.
1. Staying in China and get a job…challenging and difficult…I don’t like it unless I have no choice.
2. Getting another job in the UK and staying with my pets. It is ideal but difficult too. After the Visa policies changed in 2024…only Tesco picked me up from the ground and they had no opportunity to support me with Visa Sponsorship…they don’t lack labour workers…
3. Making my online store successful and save money to immigrate to the UK legally. It’s my dream but it will take decades to happen…I must reunite with my pet every year with Visitor Visa but it deserves.
